I was raised in a Catholic family. My mother and hers (my grandmother on my mother’s side) were profoundly devoted Christians. I was baptized at a very early age (I was so young that if it where not for a couple of pictures, I would have no recollection of it whatsoever). And as the good young lad I was, I happily followed the only tradition passed on to me. So I went about my life attending mass on Sundays and doing my best to behave “like a good Christian boy” for the rest of the week.
As the years went by, and my young mind followed its natural development, I started to question things that I heard the priests said at mass or read from the Bible. Why are we punished for something Adam and Eve did so long ago? If God is goodness and perfection, why did he changed his mind? Why did he have to send his son to die as a human being to understand us as humans?
Of course, the answers I got were too complicated to understand at such a young age, and I was told that everything would make sense only if I developed my faith. There’s no need to think, they said. Faith, Hope, and Love was everything I would need to understand the plans of “the Lord.” So I went on and did my best to develop my faith. I became quite good at it. Dismissing problematic thoughts was very easy once you got the hang of it. I was earning my little spot in heaven.
At 16 years of age, I was finally ready for the sacrament of confirmation. I remember that day very clearly. I thought I had so much faith in me, that something special was going to happen during the ceremony. I was excited. Nervous. We were about 20 or 30 people (boys and girls) waiting impatiently. Finally, it was my turn.
If I had to describe what I felt inside that church in just one word, I would call it: emptiness. Yes, that was what I found that day—an overwhelming emptiness. No God was waiting for me in there; there was no holy ghost; there was no love, just a void. Just an overwhelming void. And I was shattered.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Rom 5:8
The observance of the tradition does not bring us peace, but God’s own atoning work. The proof of His love is the cross. Thank you for your content. It is interesting, informative and well presented. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for taking the time to comment, Ralph. I just want to make it clear, though, that since what I described in this post happened to me, I’ve found a connection with the divine outside of Christianity. Blessings to you and family as well!